Thursday, November 18, 2010

New Business Flannel Premier Tonight

My friends: I have some good news. Tonight, we, Business Flannel, will be posting a new Comedic Sketch on FunnyOrDie, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr, Friendster, Yelp!, Foursquare, Orkut, BlackPlanet, ManHunt, and Google Buzz.

It's a sketch that's ripped straight from the headlines, and we look forward to starting an honest discussion with our fans (and detractors) about where this country is and where it is going.

Before our video goes virulently viral, I wanted to post on our blog to say a few words about an important issue that affects all of us who release videos online.

Specifically, I think it's high time we talked about how to spell "premiere."

According to the New American Oxford Dictionary, "premier" is an adjective meaning "first in importance, order, or position; leading" (as in, "Business Flannel is the web's premier flannel-related sketch comedy group." or "You are a premier douchebag.") or a noun meaning "a Prime Minister or other head of government." (as in, "You are the premier of Planet Douchebag.")

It is not a noun meaning "the first performance of a musical or theatrical work or the first showing of a movie." That's "premiere", with an "e". Yes, they're pronounced the same. Yes, they look similar. And yes, I knew what you meant.

But spelling is important! Imagine the humiliation Anthony Trollope ("English novelist...noted for the six 'Barsetshire' novels, including The Warden (1855) and Barchester Towers (1857), and for the six political 'Palliser' novels") would have suffered at the hands of his schoolmates if his last name had been spelled "Trollop"! Why, he might have never written the 'Palliser' novels that we so enjoy today!

This misspelling is appallingly coommon. Most of you probably read the title of this post as "New Business Flannel Premiere Tonight", but for those of you who, upon opening this Web Page, spit out your tea and shouted "It's premiere!" at your screen (the identical pronunciation makes enunciating this distinction challenging), a pledge: the title is not misspelled. Indeed, it's a perfectly reasonable phrase, in a number of contexts.

(1) Dear Premier Tonight,

Do you recommend that I wear my newly purchased flannel suit to my meeting, or my old suit made of suede?

Best, Jon

Dear Jon,

New. Business = Flannel.

   -- Premier Tonight

(2) At a meeting of the United Federation of Fabric Nations, a new Pacific Ocean microstate.
Vice-Premier: ...and that concludes the reading of the minutes. Now, we're going to wait until tonight to talk new business.
Premier: Flannel!
Vice-Premier: Premier, tonight.

(3) Obama: I've appointed a Velour Czar, a Secretary of Corduroy, and a Council on American Linens. And yet I still haven't brought this country any new business.
Aide: Flannel Premier?
Obama: Tonight is not the time, guy. Tonight is not the time.

(4) Ton: Hey, do you know who supplies all the fabric swatches for that new business?
Andy: Flannel Premier, Ton.
Ton: 'Ight.

(5) Chestwick County Hospital Baby Name List (Premature Ward)
Premie Q: New Business Flannel
Premie R: Tonight

(6) ...but when Charles finally arrived in Paris, he found the only magazine he could understand was "TV Guide": (New) Business Flannel, premier, Tonight Show (Rerun), deuxième, MUZZY (Rerun), troisième...

(7) Chuck: Honey, I know you're already in labor, but I have some new ideas for baby names: Anubis, Ness, Flan, el Premier, Toni
Amanda: [through clenched teeth] GHT!

(8) Shucks, he sez, as he's slowly lowered into the pit of sharks, grant me my dying wish. Let me watch the new Business Flannel, Premier.

Tonight, sez the Premier, you DIE.

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