Fair warning: this is going to get disgusting before it gets pleasant.
These are some before/after shots of my erstwhile nose and erstwhile face. My face is in...a weird way right now. Granted, it has always been in a weird way--but until now, I don't think you could ever describe me as looking like a raccoon with Down Syndrome.
To the photos!
Well, here's my nose on the day of the surgery. Contrary to what you might think, this picture was taken from 30 feet away with no zoom lens.
This is what I look like all the time. This face was last seen on television getting a cold-stricken Marge Simpson a free T-shirt at the Springfield mall.
Here is my doctor. Yeah, I can't believe he's named that, either! Just like the Grand Funk Railroad song!
The clinic's store front. Basically they can rip your body up any way you please.
The surgery is finished and I'm lookin' goyisch! Hey, who wants potato skins!?
The doctor took the following multiple angle shots of my sneeze box (hat tip: Jon Weed)
Side view 2. Again, one eye open, one eye closed. Why am I the way I am?
Does anyone else think I look vaguely like the female doctor in Syndromes and a Century here? You know, in the scene when she is looking out the window pensively?
(It just struck me that that describes half of the movie.)
This is me in the operating room. This is also the last extant picture of my original nose. Look how happy we were together? Or was I happy because I was about to get rid of him? Because I knew that soon, he would be gone, forever? The sly grin of the murdered before the hack?
Now, I'm gonna warn you, what follows could be charitably described as freakshow shit. There are no pictures of the actual surgery; but my face is looking weird. How can I describe...remember the character Chunk from The Goonies? John Merrick in The Elephant Man? Gracie Hart from Miss Congeniality?
After the jump, post-op, in descending order of stomachability:
Me in the taxi (yes, I took a taxi home from my plastic surgery) immediately following the procedure.
Does anyone want to get in any jokes about how they can tell how much more handsome I look with the mask on? Anyone?
Side view, one hour out.
Full frontal, an hour out. When this picture was taken I was apparently watching some shocking Japanese pornography.
Speaking of shocking Japanese pornography...let's see how I looked this morning, about 16 hours out:
Someone has a new match.com profile picture!
But wait a sec; if you thought that was appetizing, hold on to your kitten britches. I was given clearance to take off the bandages the morning after. And so I did. And then I took some more yummy in your tummy photos:
All right all right! Who wants to party, you guys! You bring the jamz, I'll bring the smilez!
Whoa, someone needs to stop drinking red bull in the morning, am I right??
Also, I appear to be sprouting a unicorn's horn. I think chicks will dig that. Or, at least, the prostitutes that I will now be forced to consort with.
I'm gonna go outside and frighten some children!