Wednesday, February 24, 2010

THAI-NO-PLASTY 2010

I was reading Christopher Hitchens' obituary of Alexander Haig the other day, when I realized that I wanted to start off this blog as pretentiously as possible. So there we go.

Today, he-who-knows-Ladyboys Netty drove me around looking for rhinoplasty places. The one that he had recommended--"where the movie stars go"--appeared to have been demolished, so we went with his second runner-up, a charming little hole-in-the-wall across from a whorehouse. This is literally true--the place we went is across from the street from Spicy, which you may know is a notorious lady bar in Chiang Mai. Anyway, that's where the surgery will be going down if it happens.

On the price sheet outside of the clinic--yes, they offered a menu outside the establishment, just like Outback Steakhouse--the quote for a rhinoplasty is 22,000 Baht, "depending on the technique." I would like the really, really good technique that doesn't fuck up my nose, so I think I'll be shelling out the full 22,000. Plus, let's face it, my nose is really, really ugly.

What else did I do today? Periodically I will read a book or an article (like the Hitchens' obit) that mentions a daily diary, and I think--You know, I should keep a daily diary like that, too. Nothing profound, nothing comical, just a mundane shopping list of everything I did in the day. Yes, readers, update your RSS feed, here comes the juice!

So today I woke up around--let's say 11. I walked to lunch at what I will charitably call an outdoor restaurant, but which is really just a wooden shack with some green netting hung over it to keep the sun out. I had some mediocre Pad King Muu, at which point I walked over to another restaurant and got some fried rice. While I was there I saw a shrimpy little man, about 28, I would guess, being super-obnoxious on what I assume was a date with a young Thai girl (about 20). I thought lots of mean things about him and got very, very homesick. Then I came home, worked on my memoir (I'm writing a memoir), and conked out for hours and hours. Then Netty and I went searching for my plastic surgery hut.

Isn't this fascinating? THIS IS WHAT LIVING IN ASIA IS LIKE YOU GUYS

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