Friday, December 11, 2009

Absent, Teacher

On Tuesday, one of 21 students in my English class for freshymen asked me if we would have class on Friday, too; apparently, some teachers cancel class on Friday, since Thursday is "Constitution Day" and they just make it a 5 day-weekend (never any class on Wednesday). Well, I was already cancelling class on the 29th of December, so we couldn't afford to miss another day of class this Friday, so I said that yes, we would have class on Friday.

It was as though I had just told him I was born a woman. "REALLY?!?!" he cried. He pulled his friend by the arm so that she could ask me, too.

"We have class on Friday, Teacher?"

"Yes, we have class."

"REALLY?!?!" Yes, Opor, by birth I am a woman, and not the man that appears before you.

Well, today is Friday, the day that we really, really had class. Class starts at 1:05. At 1:10, one student had showed up, and she is the foreign exchange student, so, I mean, come on. By 1:15, we had 5 students. I waited five more minutes, and no one else had showed up. The foreign exchange student kept on bouncing in her chair and shouting that we should go, because I made the mistake earlier of telling her that if not enough people showed up, we would go home. So she's bouncing in her desk, shouting "GO HOME GO HOME," which would have been cute if she were a Thai person, but unfortunately she's Chinese, never pays attention in class, and whines all the time, so I almost lost it on her. I dismissed the rest of the students, who were sitting patiently and talking subduedly--sup, dude-ly--and told them, while wringing my hands, that their friends would pay for this. Oh, yes, they will pay for this...

Anyway, I just took a "power nap," which is a term I taught to the 11:00 freshymen class a.k.a. the class that actually showed up. Actually, I taught them three words: "nap," "power" and "power nap," as, per usual, the book assumed a way, way higher level of English competency than my students actually had. Don't even get me started on the reduction of time clauses. That was a nightmare.

On the plus side, I've only had diarrhea twice today, and the Yeasayer album leaked (I am obligated to talk about how great the new Yeasayer album is by virtue of having a blog. Also, I got a notice from Blogspot saying that I'm supposed to go crazy over how great the new Lady Gaga music video for Bad Romance is? Yeah! It's amazing! Quick, go watch it! While she's still relevant!)

I'm also happy to say that my co-hort Gregg (Thai spelling: Grieki) just sent me some (about 70) contributions to the famed Bowel Hour, and that, with his contributions, we are going to have the best poop-based iTunes playlist, possibly, in the world. The Bowel Hour, if you were not one of the 12 (million) people at the launch party, is a Power Hour composed entirely of songs whose titles also sound like they could describe poop, either in the verb or noun form. I will be posting the original list and Gregg's contributions shortly.

But a public kudos to Grieki for his marvelous list. A teaser: "Wet Nightmare" by The Cramps, which gets bonus points for having a great band name, too, and for succintly describing the activities of my own bowels for these past two horrible, nightmarish days of prenatal pain.

Stay bowelin'

Jason

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