Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Renegade Master

Back once again!

I am back from my three day vacation in Bangkok with the 'rentals. Bangkok, which any sixth-grader can tell you is Thai for "Please punch my testicles, was full of adventures, some of which included old, fat men with young Thai wives, others of which included old, really fat men with even younger Thai wives. But more on that tomorrow.

Hey, guess what? Being a local Chiang Mai-head (tech. term) now, I was able to beat the Hitler-esque taxi system at Chiang Mai Airport, which charges a flat rate of 120 Baht per taxi to go wherever. Well, this time I used the taxi meter system, which costs 50 Baht plus whatever your meter ends up at. Surefire way to save money if you live close to the airport, right?

Well, slap me on the dick and call me the Nixon presidency if my fare didn't come out to 68 Baht. 118 Baht < 120 Baht. Am I right, Credit Suisse? Gimme some love, math.

I have lots of pictures (read: 6) from my trip to Bangkok, and I will be happy to post them tomorrow, when I am not so disgruntled.

On the plane ride over, I was seated next to this Western to describe know how some morbidly obese people are forced to buy a second seat on an airplane for their rolls of fat? Well, this guy should have had to buy another seat for his smell.

Which isn't to say that he wasn't also fat, because he was--he looked like Wilford Brimley and John Goodman sharing a pair of Khakis.

Anyway, luckily the plane was way undersold so I didn't have sit next to that Heavyweight Co-starring Ben Stiller; I got right up and stretched out in the front row.

But the stench was still on me, and haunts me in my dreams--constantly choking, like a green sea, Quick, boys, The Gas, The Gas!---

By the way, if you are wondering whether this fat, smelly, neckless old Farang had a young Thai wife waiting for him at the Chiang Mai Airport baggage claim, then the answer is I clicked my tongue at them as I passed them.

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