Friday, September 11, 2009

Keyword Analysis Or, "Is Thailand Famous?"

Before I launch into the main stream of this evening's symposium (Tom Lehrer), I just want to say that since I became aware of these sorts of things, I have always found the word "Analysis" to be extremely odd; for although it comes from "Ana" (Up) and "Lyein" (Loosen) (put 'em together and what have you got? "Loosen up"), I always break down Analysis as "Anal Lysis," as in, the Loosening up or destruction of one's anus.

Generally, this is not what an analysis does. But hell, let's do some good ol' Anus Loosening on the ol' blog, shall we?

My StatCounter page--where I can SEE you, by the way--tells me how Random Visitors come upon this blog by giving me the keywords they typed into Google. This tool is handy not only because it can help me refine my blog posts in order to increase traffic, but also because it means that I can cruelly mock the things that people are searching for on the Internet.

Here are some good search phrases from the past week:

1. "skateboard remedies jelly legs"
2. "going diarrhea"
3. "farang ding song videos"
4. "ironic hipster cover songs"
5. "is thailand famous"
6. "happy science thailand"
7. "examples of famous people that are passive"
8. "Seinfeld what's the deal with homework"

I am afraid that I provided none of these people with the information they were seeking. To remedy this, in the hopes of repeat visits, allow me to answer these 8 queries:

1. No, it doesn't.
2. Yes, I do. A lot.
4. Yes, I know of some.
5. Thailand's Q Rating, as of September 2009, is 45.6. Is that how Q ratings work?
5a. I don't care.
6. Beats "Sad Mathematics Cambodia" any day of the week.
7. Famous people that are passive (off the top of my head):
        1. George Bush the Elder
        2. Atlanta Braves first baseman Adam laroche
        3. Yves Saint Laurent
8. I calculated my odds of ever getting together with a Portuguese waitress. Mathematically, I had to do it, Jerry.

I hope that helps. Keep those inane Thailand-/hipster-/passive-voice-related searches coming!

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