Sunday, September 6, 2009

Bouffaunt Space Friend

Question: If you wake up at 10:00 A.M. (going Northeast at 300 MPH--HAHA just kidding!)

If you wake up at 10:00 A.M., and you are awake and in bed until 12:30, and then you fall asleep again until 5:00 P.M.--did you wake up at 10 and take a nap, or did you wake up at 5?

Because I have a friend that did just that this morning.

Hahaha just kidding i don't have any friends obviously that was me.

Last night I went to a different bar ("Z Music Station Club"--unclear whether this was actually associated with a radio station, or whether this was a bar/club called "Z Music Station") ordered my three big bars and started writing.

I casually remarked that the English words I hear the most are "You come alone? Where your friend?" Sad but partially true.

After two and a half beers I had the liquid courage flowing and went and sat down with four extremely drunk Thai teenagers who cheers'ed me and bowed to me whenever they passed to go to the bathroom. They were thrilled to know me and told me so. Can't remember all of the names--one was definitely named Jay, and he was 17; another was named Non, and he was 18--and there was a 23 year old who works at a temple at CMU whose name escapes me.

Highlight of the night: after unsuccessful bingo (1 Baht per card, if you win you get free whiskey), the dudes asked me if I wanted to go to toilet with them, enthusiastically explaining that in Thailand we go to bathroom in group of 4. So I said sure because I had to pee.

When we got to the bathroom there was a little confusion because they asked me to pee first, stood in a semi-circle facing me, and stood there saying "You show! You show!" And then I laughed nervously and they dispersed and let me pee in peace.

Now, they weren't gay--even though one looked like an Asian version of the hair-dresser from Bye Bye Birdie (omigod does making that reference make me gay?)--because they wanted to use me to pick up girls for them. And yet there is such a thin line between male friendship and homosexuality here that you can't blame me for being suspicious. There was the fact that they were very excited to see my Farang Ding-Dong, for one; for another, whenever they wanted my attention, they did not tap my shoulder or pat my back, but rather, grab me by the inner thigh; also, did I mention that one of them was wearing a silk polka-dot shirt and had, no joke, a bouffant.

Name me one heterosexual male in history who wore his hair in a bouffant.

A dandy hairstyle, to be sure

Well, I left the bro-faunt and Non and Jay and 23-year-old Thai thigh toucher at around 12:30, but I have their numbers and they have mine, and I am eagerly awaiting our second rendezvous, which, if all goes according to plan, will not involve them groping my lower crotch or cheering me on in front of the urinal.

But hopefully it will involve some Bingo, because that game is FUN after a few beers, guys.

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