Just got an email from Apple. Title: "Great ways to take your wireless even further." I'll take a stab at its contents:
1. Compliment your wireless's appearance e.g. her looks, her clothes, the way she carries herself.
2. Emphasize your long-term commitment to your wireless, telling her that there is no other wireless internet you would rather be with.
3. Make sure your wireless is comfortable; do not pressure your wireless.
4. Set the right mood for your wireless. For music, your wireless may like Nick Drake, or perhaps some French love songs. Have a bottle of white wine with dinner, lightly chilled; do not force the wine on your wireless, lest your wireless believes you to be trying to get her drunk.
I think that joke has run its course.