Thursday, July 2, 2009

Woke Up This Mornin

I woke up after a quick lunchtime nap and the blanket was over my head and I pointed my nose chestward and I whiffed in my chest-stank and I thought: "I smell like a man."

No, not in that good way: not in that Gilette, Gatorade, man-cologne pheremone way; but rather, in the way that makes one ask oneself the questions: When was the last time I showered? Did I use soap? Was the showerhead dispensing water, or horse urine? Questions abound.

If I learned anything from Borat, it's that a horse is like a man; but in the case of deodorant, I don't know if this should be the case. Do you remember (or did I tell you) about the kind of deodorant I bought on my first day here? How I travelled across an ocean for two days without antiperspirant in my toiletry kit? We have a saying down South: the thicker the grass, the heavier the dew. I'm sure you can imagine how this applies to my armpit hair and the accumulation of sweat over time, right?

(For my Southern readers, please just imagine that "the thicker the grass, the heavier the dew" is actually an idiom. Good.)

Anyway, desperate for deodorant after a three days without it and stinking like a poop diver after the night shift, I ran into the first convenience shack I found here in Chiang Mai and bought the only can of deodorant they had: a little black bullet called "FRESH MAN," with a Romantic painting of a galloping steed across the label. The relationship between Man and Horse, in this case, is rather foggy. Does one smell like a galloping horse after applying said antiperspirant?

Head below the blanket, nose aimed chestward, this seemed to be the case. Though I suppose I can't blame my deodorant for the showers I may or may not have taken.

I don't know, though, because who uses horse deodorant? Seriously.

Okay I'm gonna shower.

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