Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Poor Get Poorer

Turns out it takes a business day to process a visa request. One more night in Laos.

Turns out Laos is not an hour ahead of Thailand. Turns out I didn't have to wake up at 5 this morning to wait in line to drop off my visa request form at the embassy, which opened at 8:30.

Turns out sleeping in the dirt and the concrete outside of the Thai embassy is harder than it sounds.

Turns out the visa application process only takes about five minutes. Turns out that being there four hours early does not mean I have any better chance of getting my visa processed within the day.

Turns out the Thai Embassy does not accept American dollars for visa fees. Turns out I didn't have 2000 Baht worth of Baht in, um, Baht.

Turns out this can be a frustrating realization at 9 in the morning, having slept in sweat and mosquitos, naked, itchy, on a straw mattress.

But I befriended a 40-something Moroccan and he Morocced my world and lent me 300 Baht. So grateful. His name is...well, I don't know his name. Let's call him Morocco.

Morocco and I then went to a bank to get some Baht for me to repay him. He had a driver and everything. I am thinking he is very rich, but maybe only because he had more than 1700 Baht in his wallet and lent me 300 without really blinking.

He then took me to his hotel and I got a room for 200 Baht more than the room last night. And yet this one has things like a shower, a drain on the sink which isn't just a hole that drops straight on your feet, soap, air conditioning, a television, clenaliness. The one last night was so seedy that it was literally just a seed.

I don't know how I got there. My Thai must have failed me. I must have been asked, "Hey, for 425 Baht per night you can sleep inside an elephant's rectum," and I must have replied "But you do you have anything dirtier?"

Now I am a little happier. Just slept forever at the hotel, woke up so confused. Thought I might have slept for days and days, because there is no clock in my room, and my phone is dead of course, so I have no way to tell the time at any given moment.

I have also been wearing the same clothes for three days now, as of course I did not bring a change of clothes, nor toothpaste. Luckily I brought deodorant and contacts and my glasses. My mouth feels like the inside of an elephant's rectum (or the Salom Yen Guesthouse, either/or), but I have gone longer without brushing (relax, it was while I was camping).

One more night here, I hope. At least the English in Laos is good and far more prevalent than in Thailand (Laos was colonized by the French, I believe).

Okay, I am off. Probably no update before Thursday afternoon or evening, my time. I refuse to update from anywhere besides my apartment henceforth. Unless something catastrophic happens.

Talk to you within three hours, I bet. I bet I bet I bet I bet.

Rectum. Let's get that Wordle probability for rectum up there.

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