Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Living in a Scooby Doo Cartoon, Apparently

Often I ask myself the question, both publicly and in my more private moments, Why is my rent so low?

Last night about half of my Thai lesson was spent learning vocabulary about scary movies.

Why, you ask?

Because my apartment building is known in Thai youth slang as "Condo Pii," or "Ghost Condo," because it is believed to be haunted. In fact, one of Surat's good friends has SEEN a ghost here and would be too frightened to ever sleep in this tower.

So whenever I tell a taxi driver that I live at Chomdoi Condo, they always repeat it, like 'Oh, Chom Doi!" I thought it was because my pronunciation was bad--but maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm essentially asking them to drop me off at Dracula's Castle, or whatever.

"Hi, can you take me to the Blood Orgy Cafe?"
"The...wait, the Blood Orgy Cafe?"
"Yes, yes, the Blood Orgy."
"Ohhhh. Oh! Okay, okay, 50 Baht."
"Can you do 20 Baht?"

(Note: still eagerly--EAGERLY--awaiting my first living/non-living blood orgy.)

No word on what kind of ghosts we have here at Ghost Condo. Apparently they only show their faces to people who are really scared of them, i.e. old Thai women and weak-willed Thai boys. My tutor assured me that Thai ghosts are much scarier than American ghosts, much more gruesome to look at. There is one ghost that I wrote about earlier, of the ghost Nong Naa, a woman who died during childbirth (still pregnant) and now haunts people. I wonder if we've got those ghoulies at Ghost Condo.

I'm going to go ghost-hunting some night this week. I will take my camera and attempt to photograph God/ghosts in the Chomdoi Condotel. Also it will be really late at night. Also I will make spooky noises outside the doors of various tenants' apartments.

Also I will be drunk.

I guess it's nice to know that I will never sleep alone as long as I live here, huh? That makes me less lonely; though when I checked "Whatever I Can Get" on Facebook, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. If I wanted to get cozy with a lifeless, bloodthirsty old hag, I'd call up my first wife. Except I don't get any cell phone service here--guess we're living in a DEAD ZONE!!

Am I right, Verizon Wireless? It's like, there's no cell phone service, and also it's like something out of a horror movie! Dead zone! The pun is on the word "Dead" !!!

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