Monday, July 27, 2009

And

On a side note, I have seriously injured my groin. I think I must be pushing off on my skateboard incorrectly or something, because I am feeling a twinge of pain now with each push. I want to go somewhere and get a groin massage, but I think that can only badly.

Or as the best massage ever.

Speaking of which:

When my high-school friend Greg and I went to Cambodia in the summer before our senior years my mom dropped us off at a (reputable) massage parlor and arranged for us to get full body massages. In the waiting area the receptionist had us each fill out a sheet of paper, which included our name and a diagram of the human body, from the front and the back. We were instructed to write our names and circle the areas where we wanted to be massaged. I filled out my mine: circled my shoulders, my lower back, my feet and arms, and handed it in at the front desk. Before he turned his in, Greg, chuckling uncontrollably, let me peek at his sheet, as though he were showing an unflattering caricature of the teacher while her back was to the class.

Under name, he had written, in all caps, "FRANKENSTEIN."

On the body diagram, he had circled, several times, and with increasing pencil pressure, his crotch. And nothing else. His name was FRANKENSTEIN and he wanted a crotch massage.

Well, good evening, Thailand. My name is Frankenstein and I want a crotch massage. Make you sure you concentrate on the crotch. Where do I want the massage? On my crotch. Make sure you don't skimp on the crotch part. In order of importance: I want you to massage my crotch, my crotch, my inner thighs, and my crotch.

Okay, let's get to work.

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